VooDoo Doll

If I had the doll of my choice, 
   She would look like you.
The you I dislike to no end.
   It would be an ugly doll.

I'd take a needle and pin it,
  In that hole your heart belongs.
Tape would cover the mouth.
  Keep the nasty words in.

A thump in the head should suffice,
   Give you a headache.
Show you what a pain you've been to me.
  How you've made my head hurt.

I'd take the stuffing out of the head,
  In hopes you would forget him. 
Put a spell on you,
Make you as miserable as you make others.

Oh be thankful I do not have that doll,
  You would suffer as you made me.
I'd be as mean to you,
  As you have been to me.

Waking up♥

You touched me, in my sleep I let it be known my pain and my mistake.
Questions followed, I couldn't bear to answer. I was ashamed.
I heard an anger in your voice that never touched my ears before.
You left the room, I shivered at the sound of the door closing behind you.
Listening  to you moving around out there.
I sat there wanting  you to come back to me.
I needed to feel your arms around me and to make me feel better.
Instead I watched you come back, get dressed and walk back out.
Then came the most dreadful sound.
The front door closing behind you.
I needed you and you left.
I couldn't blame you, though the pain vibrated through me.
That loud bang ringing through the silence in the house woke me up.
Sitting there alone, in the darkness. With complete silence around me.
I wept and wept. Never has the feeling of being alone been so heavy.
In my sorrow and pain a  new beginning opened to me.
Through the suffering I saw the truth and what needed to be done.
I dried my tears, laid back down and thought.
I knew there was nothing I could do.
If I had made you want to leave the damage would already be done.
If you decided to come back to me, I would never again make you need to leave.
I finally realized what I needed and a weight lifted from my shoulders.
Sleep that had been evading me in my troubles soon overtook.

I Guess I am both I constantly ask myself this all the time♥

Inner Demons

Why do I have to be this way?
I hate who I am.
I feel like I am falling apart from the inside.
I am simply hollow.
I know he makes me happy and I feel it.
I really love him and don't want to lose him.
But there is something inside making my world go dark.
Angry at things I can not let go.
Hurt by the things from the past.
He is the best thing I have ever had.
I fear I am going to ruin it.
Yet every night I have the same horrible thoughts.
I feel distant and empty.
Trying to bring forth the joy he gives me but unable to.
I want to hurt myself again.
Put that blade to my skin and control the pain.
I fight to keep it at bay, to not show it.
Though I know I am read like a children's book.
I feel it tearing me up inside and can not stop it.
I do not want to think like this anymore.
I want to love him, as he does me.
Simple, no hurting, no fear.
I know though he is strong and kind,
He will not be able to handle this forever.
I know I can not, why would I expect him to?
I am begging, praying for someone to help.
Someone to fix me.
Help me fight my inner demons.

Hell

A horrible place the world was to me.
Dark and menacing.
A place I dreaded waking to every day.
Seeing only sadness and misery ahead.
I was lost and alone in hell.

One day I came upon a man.
With a smile that lit up the room.
A laugh I found contagious.
Spreading pleasant feelings with just a few words.
My heart was mesmerized.

Then I found myslef being drawn to him.
When we exchanged words I felt relief.
A break from my daily hell.
I tried resisting becoming close to no avail.
This was my escape.

Suddenly Hell became worse, I Iost it all.
Everything I had ever wanted was gone.
With no way to get it back.
Thoughts of him became only memories.
My hope for ever being his evaporated.

That small time of happiness stayed in my thoughts.
My heart would not let me forget.
I knew what needed to be done.
I found my way to him.
When my eyes laid upon his all the darkness left.

I soon found I could not leave his side again.
My heart would fight being convinced otherwise.
Now I see the light and feel the love everyday.
The pain, darkness and misery are but memories.
All is as it should be, this is my life.

I promise you♥

I promise you, that this will not be easy.
I have problems I can not always explain.
Crying happens at the simplest of things.
Sometimes I will cry for hours or periodically all day.
I will not always be able to say why I am crying,
Cause I will not always know why.

I promise you, sometimes you will think I am crazy.
There will be times you may want to simply walk away.
My anger comes fast and hard.
The simplest things can trigger memories and I will get angry.
I will be silent or I will want to yell.
Things are nearly always thrown and I will hit a few walls.

I promise you, no one else will love you like I do.
If you stay by my side, you won't regret it.
I love with everything I have, all of my heart.
I will keep a smile and laugh all the time.
There isn't anything I will not do for the one I love.
I will show you silently and tell you often.


I promise you.

Writer's block

Writer's block.
To look at a blank page and feel completely overwhelmed.
Better yet to have a ton of ideas and not knowing how to begin them.
Can you imagine not being able to do what your meant to?
Try going to work and not being able to do what your supposed to do.
A call agent who can't remember how to work a phone or computer.
A broadway star forgetting how to read music.
A football player not knowing how to do the plays.
No one truly understands how frustrating writer's block can be.
This is me, what I am meant to do.
It's expected of me to keep a stream of poems going.
What do I do when I can't write?
What happens when it lasts for days?
I'm a writer, there is no calling out sick.
No vacation time, no lack of supplies.
I simply have no excuse.
I have to work.
I have to write.
I am a writer who just fixed her writer's block.

Feel♥

You trail you fingers down my spine,
Shivers vibrate through my body.
You kiss my shoulder, 
Every nerve comes alive.
I roll over to face you,
look into your beautiful eyes.
You place your hands on my face,
Your thumbs rub my cheeks.
You look into my eyes,
Placing your lips on mine.
My world explodes,
In warmth, emotions and complete lose of control.
It washes over my entire body.
In a way that has never happened before. 
It drives me crazy the way your touch drives me crazy.
How a look can make my body lose it.
A touch sends me over the edge.
Everything shuts down,
I just feel.

Broken- Lindsay Haun

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZfWQZkJxdw

You♥

Sometimes I can not breathe.
Words spoken stop me in my tracks.
I often lose my sight of all other things.
My mind takes everything and makes it about you.
Everything I do is with you in mind.
I wonder about you when you are away.
I ache for the warmth of your arms.
The want of your kiss consumes me.
The need to be around you is strong.
I am only me when with you.
Never have I been this happy.
No other person in this world has ever fit so perfectly.
The way we laugh and play,
I can not imagine it gets much better than this.
It is peaceful, easy and right.
This is all I ever want or need.

Love♥

I think of laying with you at night, 

When I'm not in your arms nothing in the world is right.

I love the way you hold me tight.

And how when you kiss me all my senses take flight.

I adore how you say you love me every day,

Make my world no longer grey. 

I love all the little sweet things you say,

They touch my heart in a new way.

I never thought I would find this amazing love, 

It has freed me like a new born dove.

This must be a gift from above,

As we fit together like a hand in a glove.

I believe we are meant to be together,

That this love with last forever.

You make my world come together,

And my heart feel as light as a feather.

Freedom♥

Freedom has many meanings and there are many types of freedom.
You never realize this until it is gone or taken away.
Social freedom, being made to feel guilty for going places or having friends.
Personal freedom, inablility to be oneself.
Artistic freedom, being looked down upon anything to express oneself.
Freedom of speech, Not able to state your beliefs opinions or feelings without being ridiculed. 
Freedom of the heart, not being allowed to love who you know you really want.
Sometimes you are not aware your freedom was taken.
Until someone shows you what you need and deserve.
To be free to do as you please and not have to worry.
Letting you do as you will and pleasing yourself first.
That allowing your mind to be known is a good thing.
Freedom is being able to leave when you want yet staying.
Freedom to learn to be yourself again.
Never allow your freedom to be taken away.
Freedom comes from true, unconditional love.
I am free.

Marriage...

Marriage...
Such a frightening word to me.
Until now.
I see them, after all this time.
Still in love.
I want what they have.
I have learned in this last month,
I need you, I want you, I love you.

Children...
I have always wanted them.
Though I was convinced I did not need a man.
Now I know I don't need one but I want one.
Not just any man, I want you.
I would love my children to grow up with you as their father.
To have a son be half the man you are.
A daughter protected, as I was not.

Forever...
I did not believe in it.
Though now I find myself hoping it's real.
For once I want it.
With you and your family. 
Our own family.
I want this more than anything I have ever wanted.
I want marriage, children, and forever.

Watching

I find myself watching you often.
Constantly amazed by how lucky I am to have you.
Facinated by the fact that some one as good as you loves me.
I am learning from you.
Learning how to trust and love.
To feel this joy without doubting it.
I watch how you are gentle yet still strong.
How you put love in all that you do.
I have learned new things about you.
For instance, you have a certain shine in your eyes reserved for me.
You are one of the few decent people left.
I watch how you always help someone in need.
The love you have for your family, somethings new to me.
More so the love they have for you.
I watch the pride light up their face when speaking of you.
Everyone knows what a good man you are.
I fear I am not good enough.
Though it makes me want to be a good person for you.
I watch how aware of me you are.
It's a new and welcomed feeling.
I watch you as you sleep, thinking about how handsome you are.
I wonder if you know that even in your sleep you stay aware of me.
I watched you fall for me.
Never have I been happier.
I hope to keep watching you the rest of our lives.

These are the things you do for me.

I laugh so much I no longer care that I hated my laugh.
I forget that I am self concious of my smile, therefore I am now always smiling.
Joy comes from deep inside bringing a warmth I had no idea existed.
I believe in myself again, I know I can do this.
These are the things you do for me.

I am doing what I love again, without judgement.
I am honest, completley honest with myself and you.
Facing my fears and my past.
You stand by me no matter what I am doing.
These are the things you do for me.

I am being who I truly am.
I lost care of what others think of me.
I know I have the love a man who loves the true me.
Courage is findings its way back into my life.
These are the things you do for me.

Love is coming back, unconditional love.
Trust is building up inside my heart.
This happiness is breaking down my wall.
The hole inside me is disappearing.
These are the things you do for me.

I remember

I remember our first meeting.
The first time I saw your smile.
The way it lit up your blue eyes.
Talking with you was very easy.
Then we went our separate ways.

Weeks later I came across you again.
From then on We started talking more.
I remember looking for you everyday.
Not even realizing I did.
Until one day you were not there.

The day you were not there I felt...hurt.
I remember wishing all day that I could see you.
Or be able to speak to you.
I missed hearing your voice.
I missed being the reason of that beautiful smile.

Slowly we became close.
I remember telling you I would not fall for you.
I did not know you would be so perfect for me.
Little things, like our games we played.
Or your references to things I always understood.
I knew I was falling for you.

I remember finally breaking down and telling you.
Then you told me you felt the same.
I knew then I wanted you more than anything before.
I never stopped thinking about you all that time.
Now I have you and I love you more than anything.

Lucky

When you walk into a room, you are all I can see.
You are my light from a window in my dark world.
When you hold me I feel as though I can handle anything.
Your love gives me strength to be happy again.
Your patience touches my heart.

When you look at me in my eyes I see it.
You love me like I have never been loved.
The gentle way you touch me.
How you run your hands through my hair.
Things like this make me love you more.

I love listening to your heart.
Hearing how it speeds up to my touch.
Knowing I affect you as you do me.
I love being the reason behind your smile.
Or seeing your blue eyes light up.

You make me feel things I did not know possible.
A happiness that I do not have to force.
This love that comes easily.
You are an amazing person.
I am lucky you are mine.

Letter to her.

Hey up there.

Are you watching? 

Do you approve? 

Do you like me?

Questions like this and many more run through my head.

He does not know this.

Nor that when I touch this necklace I am talking to you.

I don't understand myself why I do.

I think we would have gotten along.

What I hear of you I like.

A sweet woman.

Kind, selfless heart.

I wish you were here.

He does too.

We all do.

I see the love he had for you in his eyes all the time.

Your name comes up and he can't stop smiling.

He misses you.

He thinks the world of you.

I know you made him who he is.

I am thankful for that.

You made him an amazing man.

I hope I get to meet you one day.

Until then I will continue to look to you for guidence.

I hope you will be there for me when I need to talk to you.

Lead me on the right path in my life.

I hope I can be half the woman you were.

What is love?

Love is a slow kiss goodnight

It is anticipation.

Love is an imperfection in yourself not bothering you.

It is acceptance.

Love is passing up an opportunity because the time isn't right yet.

It is patience.

Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends around the innersoles.

It is exploration.

Love is not having to say, "Let's make love", because you know what the other person wants.

It is understanding.

Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed.

It is consideration.

Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles.

It is humor.

Love is being told, "Stop and I'll kill you".

It is desire.

Love is reviewing the damage to your living room and realizing personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door to the bedroom.

It is abandonment.

Love is seeing what your lover really looks like for the first time.

It is truth.

Love is knowing what time it is and not caring.

It is joy.

Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace.

It is ecstasy.

Love is telling a person, if you have to leave, you will let them sleep, and being told they would rather be awakened.

It is tenderness.

Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were having asleep on your shoulder.

It is where fantasy meets reality.

Love is being there to wake your lover........slowly.

It is sensuousness.

Love is belatedly knowing why you bought a king size bed three years ago.

It is practicality.

Love is two people only taking up a third of a king size bed.

It is closeness.

Love is knowing you gave the extra set of keys to the right person.

It is trust.

Love is saying goodbye and knowing you will be back by mutual consent.

It is faith.

Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of the word "sore".

It is a lesson in human fragility.

Love is opening your medicine cabinet and finding your toothpaste turned into a pretzel.

It is adaptation.

Love is sitting at the window, looking out, and remembering who you were with the night before.

It is reflection.

Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm, and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover.

It is loneliness.

Love is stories that will never be told.

It is personal.

My Heart...

A new beginning, refreshing.
Something I have needed for a very long time.
It's strange to be doing something just for me.
I was lost at first. New to the entire ordeal.
Afraid a mistake had been made.
How could something be right if I was hurting others?
Why should I be happy if they are not?
Then I looked in the mirror and saw a shine in my eyes.
A shine that had been absent for a long time.
I looked into his eyes and saw happiness as well.
I now know this is right.
He found me when I was lost.
He is leading me on the path to my happiness.
A path to something I had forgotten.
He is showing me my heart again.

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Simplicity

Times today are hard.
We have lost the simplicity of things.
 The beauty of wind on our faces.
The pure joy in a baby's giggle.
The magic of a sunrise.
All we see is the bad and the difficult.
If something is easy, we take it and spread it around until it's all tangled up.
Somehow we have gotten to the point where we like to put people in distress.
Selfishness is very wide spread nowadays.
Where have we gone wrong?
We used to house strangers and feed the hungry.
Now we pass them without a second glance.
Not me!
I will smile in the wind,
Smell a simple flower,
Help a person in need,
Whether I know them or not.
I will stand out against the crowd.
My life will not be destroyed with selfishness.
I will always simply want to help my fellow man.

Torture

I yell and scream commanding the torture to end. Yet nothing changes, everything revolves around him. My heart, mind, body, and soul. I wish for my heart to calm when he's around but still it gets faster and faster. I ignore the wanting of my arms to wrap around him. I keep my hands in my pockets so I don't reach out to grab his hand. I hum in my head to keep the many thoughts of him at bay. I keep my eyes away from his knowing if he wanted to he could see my soul. I keep my mouth shut as often as I can so the once spoken words don't resurface. I make sure I don't stand to close to him for I'm positive I would try to close the distance with a kiss. At night I will the tears away, but still they flow. I wake up at night from the dreams that haunt me. Nothing I do can seperate this bond, it makes me who I am. I can't imagine a day this pain will be gone. I've come to expect it so it has become a companion. I will always love him and go through this hell so I can be near him. I will always do anything for him.

Because of you

Another tear falls                                               

Its nothing new

Lately Im always crying

I cant sleep

Another night I lie awake

I hardly sleep lately

Our song comes on

I quickly change it

Only pain comes when I hear it

I lay down in my bed

A million memories rush at me

All of you

Tears just flow down my face

I let them come

It feels better to let them out

I see you and simply smile

A knot forms in my stomach

Ill feel the price of it later

All this because of you

You dont even know

You wouldnt care either

Realize

I tried to give you everything

But still it wasn't enough

It never can be

I should've known

You only care for yourself

How could I be so foolish

One day your gonna realize,

the life you could've had with me

Too bad its gonna be too late,

when you do finaly see

Good luck trying to find someone as good as me

I would've done anything for you

But you lost it

Im so done I can't believe it

Why did I make this mistake

I should've learned from the past

I didn't before but I did now

Goodbye

My Remorse

 Im sorry I make everything complicated

Im sorry I've made you mad

Im sorry for all the times I changed my mind, for always being so emotional and for never saying the right thing

Im sorry I cant be perfect and I have so many problems

Im sorry I never told you everything and did always tell you the truth

Im sorry for not fighting for you, and for saying Im sorry so many times

Im sorry I wasted yourtime with my petty thoughts and opinions

Im sorry we arent as close as before because i messed it all up

Out of all the things Im sorry for theres one thing Im not...

Im not sorry I met and you were my first love. You were the best thing I ever had.

 Im sorry I lost you

I hate

I hate myself for being so dumb

I hate this control over me you hold

I dont get why you do this

Always changing your mind

Im done changing mine

I hate you for doing this to me

I hate that I ever loved you

I hate that I have to say goodbye

I hate losing you

Its what you want so its done

I cant fix it this time

Never again will you have me

I hate that you did before

Most of all I hate that I will never stop loving you.

I remember

 Going through all the memories
I suddenly remember what you mean to me
I miss you so much
i wish I could feel your gentle touch
I think of that last kiss
Your friendship is something I miss
You could always make me smile
I havnt smiled like that for awhile
My love for you was so strong
I have loved you for so long
You made me forget him
Since youve left all my days are dim
There something I need to say
I still love you to this day

Choose

I lie here my mind running wild

I stay awake with sorrow sighs

As the hundreth tear falls upon my cheek

Ive come to a fork in the road

I havnt the faintest idea what to do

Should I chose my love

Take the risk of heartache

Feel the wonders of first love

Be held in his gentle arms

Kiss his soft lips at any hour

Should I walk away

Forget the love inside my heart

Go where my parents wish

Should I give up the fight

Just leave it all behind

Oh the confusion of it all

In honest truth hes all I want

Memories of past conversations run through my head

I think of all the things he likes

How much we go together

This love could be my doom

I have to chose like a thousand girls before me

I will choose what is right for me

I have a duty to my heart

Love is truely bittersweet

Goodbye

 Weve come so far
Look at where we are
Whether you stay or leave
Ill have your memory
I said I love you
Aonce you said it to
Thats all I needed
Forever youll be in my heart
When were together or apart

You made me cry
I believed a lie
But I will be strong
Smile when it all goes wrong
Ill be okay
When you wonder why Ill say

Because I felt love for the first time
It took me on a wild ride
We had our ups and downs
It was fun when we were clownin around
You gave me some memories
Youll always be apart of me

Now Im saying goodbye
But Ill love you til the day I die
This is something I have to do
I gotta learn to get over you
Its gonna be hard
Even though you broke my heart
Ill always remember what you meant to me
Ill smile because when together I was happy

Because I felt love for the first time
It took me on a wild ride
We had our ups and downs
It was fun when we were clownin around
You gave me some memories
Youll always be apart of me

Ill love you till the day I die
But now I have to say goodbye

Are you finally over me?

Is there something that I dont see

It seems like your avoiding me

A week ago you were distant

I thought there was something I was missing

Then suddenly you came on strong

You acted like there was nothing wrong

You tell me you still love me

I finally started to believe

Now it seems your always busy

For some reason you cant talk to me

You always say you'll call back soon

I wait for hours but you never do

I know we arent together technically

Did you finally get over me

I jus wish you would let me know

So I can try to let you go

Its killing me

Lying awake every night wondering

Are you finally over me?

I know weve had our ups and downs

And I know soon Ill be leaving town

I never believed youd really wait for me

Im not worth it I knew youd finally see

Im gunna be so far away

Ill be just a memory some day

I have awhile before I leave

Until then you cant be there for me

I know we arent together technically

Did you finally get over me

I jus wish youd let me know

So I can try to let you go

Its killing me

Lying awake every night wondering

Did you finally get over me

I just cant sleep crying

Why do I feel like Im dieing

I knew this would happen eventually

I guess Im just not ready

I need to hear your voice

Find out if youve made the choice

No matter what you choose

Ill always love you

Tell me so I can breathe

Are you finally over me....

Confused

Another tear falls upon my cheek
I feel so guilty how could I falter?
I thought Id lose him today
I almost made myself walk away
For awhile I forgot
Everyone was getting to me
I started to listen to their voices and not my own
My heart and mind were fighting
About what I felt and what I thought
My mind started to win
My heart gave one last attempt and screamed
"You love him and he loves you"
Suddenly it hit me
My mind began to spin
Remembering every love filled word he has said
I started  to listen to my heart
How I could ever doubt it is beyond me
Him and I are meant to be
Nothing can come between us
I will always love him and believe him
Hes my everything

I don't know what to do

I want to scream in confusion

The bloods rushing through my veins

Another tear falls upon my cheek

My worlds falling apart

Im lost I dont know where to turn

Rumors, lies, advise all making my head spin

I just want to be alone

I wish I knew the truth to it all

Everyone is decieving me

The one person I felt closest to

Is the reason for all my pain

I thought I finally had it right

Was I wrong?

Is what people say true?

I'm trying so hard to believe him

I want to believe him more than anything.

I don't know what to do.

Everything

I saw your smile today

Felt your gentle touch

It made me happy

To talk to you again

Now I feel empty

Im wishing you were here

So I could kiss you

But I cant

I want to be with you

Your my everything

I still love you 

Ill never be yours again

Weve lost everything

Yes I still love you

But it was never enough

Without you

Boy this song is to you

Cause I really dont want to be without you

You may not understand

So just listen to me now

When your not by my side

I feel incomplete

When your not in my arms

I feel as though Im hissing half of me

If its not you Im listening to I dont really hear

I hate to be without you

I was tired of the same old same old

I didnt want anymore pain

Ive been through heartache and heart break

I tried something new

I went with you

Your not the usual

Like no one I've met before

Its kind of like starting new

I get akward and shy when I'm around you

That all because

When your not by my side

I feel so incomplete

When your not in my arms

I feel as though I'm missing half of me

If its not you I'm listening to I don't really hear

I hate to be without you

For once I'm going slow

Looking around seeing where to go

I don't want to lose you

I hope you feel the same way to

Because I hate every second every

Breath that goes by without oh

Without you

Alone

People all around,
All the loud noise goes through my head.
Sometimes I feel alone.
Can't always explain why I have these feelings.
It's almost like I don't belong,
Like I don't fit in.
I know being unique is supposed to be a good thing but how when it makes me feel this way?
Alone.
No one really understands why I go through this.
Who do you talk to when you feel this way?