Inner Demons

Why do I have to be this way?
I hate who I am.
I feel like I am falling apart from the inside.
I am simply hollow.
I know he makes me happy and I feel it.
I really love him and don't want to lose him.
But there is something inside making my world go dark.
Angry at things I can not let go.
Hurt by the things from the past.
He is the best thing I have ever had.
I fear I am going to ruin it.
Yet every night I have the same horrible thoughts.
I feel distant and empty.
Trying to bring forth the joy he gives me but unable to.
I want to hurt myself again.
Put that blade to my skin and control the pain.
I fight to keep it at bay, to not show it.
Though I know I am read like a children's book.
I feel it tearing me up inside and can not stop it.
I do not want to think like this anymore.
I want to love him, as he does me.
Simple, no hurting, no fear.
I know though he is strong and kind,
He will not be able to handle this forever.
I know I can not, why would I expect him to?
I am begging, praying for someone to help.
Someone to fix me.
Help me fight my inner demons.