Torture

I yell and scream commanding the torture to end. Yet nothing changes, everything revolves around him. My heart, mind, body, and soul. I wish for my heart to calm when he's around but still it gets faster and faster. I ignore the wanting of my arms to wrap around him. I keep my hands in my pockets so I don't reach out to grab his hand. I hum in my head to keep the many thoughts of him at bay. I keep my eyes away from his knowing if he wanted to he could see my soul. I keep my mouth shut as often as I can so the once spoken words don't resurface. I make sure I don't stand to close to him for I'm positive I would try to close the distance with a kiss. At night I will the tears away, but still they flow. I wake up at night from the dreams that haunt me. Nothing I do can seperate this bond, it makes me who I am. I can't imagine a day this pain will be gone. I've come to expect it so it has become a companion. I will always love him and go through this hell so I can be near him. I will always do anything for him.