Torture

I yell and scream commanding the torture to end. Yet nothing changes, everything revolves around him. My heart, mind, body, and soul. I wish for my heart to calm when he's around but still it gets faster and faster. I ignore the wanting of my arms to wrap around him. I keep my hands in my pockets so I don't reach out to grab his hand. I hum in my head to keep the many thoughts of him at bay. I keep my eyes away from his knowing if he wanted to he could see my soul. I keep my mouth shut as often as I can so the once spoken words don't resurface. I make sure I don't stand to close to him for I'm positive I would try to close the distance with a kiss. At night I will the tears away, but still they flow. I wake up at night from the dreams that haunt me. Nothing I do can seperate this bond, it makes me who I am. I can't imagine a day this pain will be gone. I've come to expect it so it has become a companion. I will always love him and go through this hell so I can be near him. I will always do anything for him.

Because of you

Another tear falls                                               

Its nothing new

Lately Im always crying

I cant sleep

Another night I lie awake

I hardly sleep lately

Our song comes on

I quickly change it

Only pain comes when I hear it

I lay down in my bed

A million memories rush at me

All of you

Tears just flow down my face

I let them come

It feels better to let them out

I see you and simply smile

A knot forms in my stomach

Ill feel the price of it later

All this because of you

You dont even know

You wouldnt care either

Realize

I tried to give you everything

But still it wasn't enough

It never can be

I should've known

You only care for yourself

How could I be so foolish

One day your gonna realize,

the life you could've had with me

Too bad its gonna be too late,

when you do finaly see

Good luck trying to find someone as good as me

I would've done anything for you

But you lost it

Im so done I can't believe it

Why did I make this mistake

I should've learned from the past

I didn't before but I did now

Goodbye

My Remorse

 Im sorry I make everything complicated

Im sorry I've made you mad

Im sorry for all the times I changed my mind, for always being so emotional and for never saying the right thing

Im sorry I cant be perfect and I have so many problems

Im sorry I never told you everything and did always tell you the truth

Im sorry for not fighting for you, and for saying Im sorry so many times

Im sorry I wasted yourtime with my petty thoughts and opinions

Im sorry we arent as close as before because i messed it all up

Out of all the things Im sorry for theres one thing Im not...

Im not sorry I met and you were my first love. You were the best thing I ever had.

 Im sorry I lost you

I hate

I hate myself for being so dumb

I hate this control over me you hold

I dont get why you do this

Always changing your mind

Im done changing mine

I hate you for doing this to me

I hate that I ever loved you

I hate that I have to say goodbye

I hate losing you

Its what you want so its done

I cant fix it this time

Never again will you have me

I hate that you did before

Most of all I hate that I will never stop loving you.

I remember

 Going through all the memories
I suddenly remember what you mean to me
I miss you so much
i wish I could feel your gentle touch
I think of that last kiss
Your friendship is something I miss
You could always make me smile
I havnt smiled like that for awhile
My love for you was so strong
I have loved you for so long
You made me forget him
Since youve left all my days are dim
There something I need to say
I still love you to this day

Choose

I lie here my mind running wild

I stay awake with sorrow sighs

As the hundreth tear falls upon my cheek

Ive come to a fork in the road

I havnt the faintest idea what to do

Should I chose my love

Take the risk of heartache

Feel the wonders of first love

Be held in his gentle arms

Kiss his soft lips at any hour

Should I walk away

Forget the love inside my heart

Go where my parents wish

Should I give up the fight

Just leave it all behind

Oh the confusion of it all

In honest truth hes all I want

Memories of past conversations run through my head

I think of all the things he likes

How much we go together

This love could be my doom

I have to chose like a thousand girls before me

I will choose what is right for me

I have a duty to my heart

Love is truely bittersweet