VooDoo Doll

If I had the doll of my choice, 
   She would look like you.
The you I dislike to no end.
   It would be an ugly doll.

I'd take a needle and pin it,
  In that hole your heart belongs.
Tape would cover the mouth.
  Keep the nasty words in.

A thump in the head should suffice,
   Give you a headache.
Show you what a pain you've been to me.
  How you've made my head hurt.

I'd take the stuffing out of the head,
  In hopes you would forget him. 
Put a spell on you,
Make you as miserable as you make others.

Oh be thankful I do not have that doll,
  You would suffer as you made me.
I'd be as mean to you,
  As you have been to me.

Waking up♥

You touched me, in my sleep I let it be known my pain and my mistake.
Questions followed, I couldn't bear to answer. I was ashamed.
I heard an anger in your voice that never touched my ears before.
You left the room, I shivered at the sound of the door closing behind you.
Listening  to you moving around out there.
I sat there wanting  you to come back to me.
I needed to feel your arms around me and to make me feel better.
Instead I watched you come back, get dressed and walk back out.
Then came the most dreadful sound.
The front door closing behind you.
I needed you and you left.
I couldn't blame you, though the pain vibrated through me.
That loud bang ringing through the silence in the house woke me up.
Sitting there alone, in the darkness. With complete silence around me.
I wept and wept. Never has the feeling of being alone been so heavy.
In my sorrow and pain a  new beginning opened to me.
Through the suffering I saw the truth and what needed to be done.
I dried my tears, laid back down and thought.
I knew there was nothing I could do.
If I had made you want to leave the damage would already be done.
If you decided to come back to me, I would never again make you need to leave.
I finally realized what I needed and a weight lifted from my shoulders.
Sleep that had been evading me in my troubles soon overtook.

I Guess I am both I constantly ask myself this all the time♥

Inner Demons

Why do I have to be this way?
I hate who I am.
I feel like I am falling apart from the inside.
I am simply hollow.
I know he makes me happy and I feel it.
I really love him and don't want to lose him.
But there is something inside making my world go dark.
Angry at things I can not let go.
Hurt by the things from the past.
He is the best thing I have ever had.
I fear I am going to ruin it.
Yet every night I have the same horrible thoughts.
I feel distant and empty.
Trying to bring forth the joy he gives me but unable to.
I want to hurt myself again.
Put that blade to my skin and control the pain.
I fight to keep it at bay, to not show it.
Though I know I am read like a children's book.
I feel it tearing me up inside and can not stop it.
I do not want to think like this anymore.
I want to love him, as he does me.
Simple, no hurting, no fear.
I know though he is strong and kind,
He will not be able to handle this forever.
I know I can not, why would I expect him to?
I am begging, praying for someone to help.
Someone to fix me.
Help me fight my inner demons.

Hell

A horrible place the world was to me.
Dark and menacing.
A place I dreaded waking to every day.
Seeing only sadness and misery ahead.
I was lost and alone in hell.

One day I came upon a man.
With a smile that lit up the room.
A laugh I found contagious.
Spreading pleasant feelings with just a few words.
My heart was mesmerized.

Then I found myslef being drawn to him.
When we exchanged words I felt relief.
A break from my daily hell.
I tried resisting becoming close to no avail.
This was my escape.

Suddenly Hell became worse, I Iost it all.
Everything I had ever wanted was gone.
With no way to get it back.
Thoughts of him became only memories.
My hope for ever being his evaporated.

That small time of happiness stayed in my thoughts.
My heart would not let me forget.
I knew what needed to be done.
I found my way to him.
When my eyes laid upon his all the darkness left.

I soon found I could not leave his side again.
My heart would fight being convinced otherwise.
Now I see the light and feel the love everyday.
The pain, darkness and misery are but memories.
All is as it should be, this is my life.

I promise you♥

I promise you, that this will not be easy.
I have problems I can not always explain.
Crying happens at the simplest of things.
Sometimes I will cry for hours or periodically all day.
I will not always be able to say why I am crying,
Cause I will not always know why.

I promise you, sometimes you will think I am crazy.
There will be times you may want to simply walk away.
My anger comes fast and hard.
The simplest things can trigger memories and I will get angry.
I will be silent or I will want to yell.
Things are nearly always thrown and I will hit a few walls.

I promise you, no one else will love you like I do.
If you stay by my side, you won't regret it.
I love with everything I have, all of my heart.
I will keep a smile and laugh all the time.
There isn't anything I will not do for the one I love.
I will show you silently and tell you often.


I promise you.

Writer's block

Writer's block.
To look at a blank page and feel completely overwhelmed.
Better yet to have a ton of ideas and not knowing how to begin them.
Can you imagine not being able to do what your meant to?
Try going to work and not being able to do what your supposed to do.
A call agent who can't remember how to work a phone or computer.
A broadway star forgetting how to read music.
A football player not knowing how to do the plays.
No one truly understands how frustrating writer's block can be.
This is me, what I am meant to do.
It's expected of me to keep a stream of poems going.
What do I do when I can't write?
What happens when it lasts for days?
I'm a writer, there is no calling out sick.
No vacation time, no lack of supplies.
I simply have no excuse.
I have to work.
I have to write.
I am a writer who just fixed her writer's block.

Feel♥

You trail you fingers down my spine,
Shivers vibrate through my body.
You kiss my shoulder, 
Every nerve comes alive.
I roll over to face you,
look into your beautiful eyes.
You place your hands on my face,
Your thumbs rub my cheeks.
You look into my eyes,
Placing your lips on mine.
My world explodes,
In warmth, emotions and complete lose of control.
It washes over my entire body.
In a way that has never happened before. 
It drives me crazy the way your touch drives me crazy.
How a look can make my body lose it.
A touch sends me over the edge.
Everything shuts down,
I just feel.

Broken- Lindsay Haun

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZfWQZkJxdw

You♥

Sometimes I can not breathe.
Words spoken stop me in my tracks.
I often lose my sight of all other things.
My mind takes everything and makes it about you.
Everything I do is with you in mind.
I wonder about you when you are away.
I ache for the warmth of your arms.
The want of your kiss consumes me.
The need to be around you is strong.
I am only me when with you.
Never have I been this happy.
No other person in this world has ever fit so perfectly.
The way we laugh and play,
I can not imagine it gets much better than this.
It is peaceful, easy and right.
This is all I ever want or need.

Love♥

I think of laying with you at night, 

When I'm not in your arms nothing in the world is right.

I love the way you hold me tight.

And how when you kiss me all my senses take flight.

I adore how you say you love me every day,

Make my world no longer grey. 

I love all the little sweet things you say,

They touch my heart in a new way.

I never thought I would find this amazing love, 

It has freed me like a new born dove.

This must be a gift from above,

As we fit together like a hand in a glove.

I believe we are meant to be together,

That this love with last forever.

You make my world come together,

And my heart feel as light as a feather.

Freedom♥

Freedom has many meanings and there are many types of freedom.
You never realize this until it is gone or taken away.
Social freedom, being made to feel guilty for going places or having friends.
Personal freedom, inablility to be oneself.
Artistic freedom, being looked down upon anything to express oneself.
Freedom of speech, Not able to state your beliefs opinions or feelings without being ridiculed. 
Freedom of the heart, not being allowed to love who you know you really want.
Sometimes you are not aware your freedom was taken.
Until someone shows you what you need and deserve.
To be free to do as you please and not have to worry.
Letting you do as you will and pleasing yourself first.
That allowing your mind to be known is a good thing.
Freedom is being able to leave when you want yet staying.
Freedom to learn to be yourself again.
Never allow your freedom to be taken away.
Freedom comes from true, unconditional love.
I am free.

Marriage...

Marriage...
Such a frightening word to me.
Until now.
I see them, after all this time.
Still in love.
I want what they have.
I have learned in this last month,
I need you, I want you, I love you.

Children...
I have always wanted them.
Though I was convinced I did not need a man.
Now I know I don't need one but I want one.
Not just any man, I want you.
I would love my children to grow up with you as their father.
To have a son be half the man you are.
A daughter protected, as I was not.

Forever...
I did not believe in it.
Though now I find myself hoping it's real.
For once I want it.
With you and your family. 
Our own family.
I want this more than anything I have ever wanted.
I want marriage, children, and forever.

Watching

I find myself watching you often.
Constantly amazed by how lucky I am to have you.
Facinated by the fact that some one as good as you loves me.
I am learning from you.
Learning how to trust and love.
To feel this joy without doubting it.
I watch how you are gentle yet still strong.
How you put love in all that you do.
I have learned new things about you.
For instance, you have a certain shine in your eyes reserved for me.
You are one of the few decent people left.
I watch how you always help someone in need.
The love you have for your family, somethings new to me.
More so the love they have for you.
I watch the pride light up their face when speaking of you.
Everyone knows what a good man you are.
I fear I am not good enough.
Though it makes me want to be a good person for you.
I watch how aware of me you are.
It's a new and welcomed feeling.
I watch you as you sleep, thinking about how handsome you are.
I wonder if you know that even in your sleep you stay aware of me.
I watched you fall for me.
Never have I been happier.
I hope to keep watching you the rest of our lives.

These are the things you do for me.

I laugh so much I no longer care that I hated my laugh.
I forget that I am self concious of my smile, therefore I am now always smiling.
Joy comes from deep inside bringing a warmth I had no idea existed.
I believe in myself again, I know I can do this.
These are the things you do for me.

I am doing what I love again, without judgement.
I am honest, completley honest with myself and you.
Facing my fears and my past.
You stand by me no matter what I am doing.
These are the things you do for me.

I am being who I truly am.
I lost care of what others think of me.
I know I have the love a man who loves the true me.
Courage is findings its way back into my life.
These are the things you do for me.

Love is coming back, unconditional love.
Trust is building up inside my heart.
This happiness is breaking down my wall.
The hole inside me is disappearing.
These are the things you do for me.

I remember

I remember our first meeting.
The first time I saw your smile.
The way it lit up your blue eyes.
Talking with you was very easy.
Then we went our separate ways.

Weeks later I came across you again.
From then on We started talking more.
I remember looking for you everyday.
Not even realizing I did.
Until one day you were not there.

The day you were not there I felt...hurt.
I remember wishing all day that I could see you.
Or be able to speak to you.
I missed hearing your voice.
I missed being the reason of that beautiful smile.

Slowly we became close.
I remember telling you I would not fall for you.
I did not know you would be so perfect for me.
Little things, like our games we played.
Or your references to things I always understood.
I knew I was falling for you.

I remember finally breaking down and telling you.
Then you told me you felt the same.
I knew then I wanted you more than anything before.
I never stopped thinking about you all that time.
Now I have you and I love you more than anything.

Lucky

When you walk into a room, you are all I can see.
You are my light from a window in my dark world.
When you hold me I feel as though I can handle anything.
Your love gives me strength to be happy again.
Your patience touches my heart.

When you look at me in my eyes I see it.
You love me like I have never been loved.
The gentle way you touch me.
How you run your hands through my hair.
Things like this make me love you more.

I love listening to your heart.
Hearing how it speeds up to my touch.
Knowing I affect you as you do me.
I love being the reason behind your smile.
Or seeing your blue eyes light up.

You make me feel things I did not know possible.
A happiness that I do not have to force.
This love that comes easily.
You are an amazing person.
I am lucky you are mine.

Letter to her.

Hey up there.

Are you watching? 

Do you approve? 

Do you like me?

Questions like this and many more run through my head.

He does not know this.

Nor that when I touch this necklace I am talking to you.

I don't understand myself why I do.

I think we would have gotten along.

What I hear of you I like.

A sweet woman.

Kind, selfless heart.

I wish you were here.

He does too.

We all do.

I see the love he had for you in his eyes all the time.

Your name comes up and he can't stop smiling.

He misses you.

He thinks the world of you.

I know you made him who he is.

I am thankful for that.

You made him an amazing man.

I hope I get to meet you one day.

Until then I will continue to look to you for guidence.

I hope you will be there for me when I need to talk to you.

Lead me on the right path in my life.

I hope I can be half the woman you were.

What is love?

Love is a slow kiss goodnight

It is anticipation.

Love is an imperfection in yourself not bothering you.

It is acceptance.

Love is passing up an opportunity because the time isn't right yet.

It is patience.

Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends around the innersoles.

It is exploration.

Love is not having to say, "Let's make love", because you know what the other person wants.

It is understanding.

Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed.

It is consideration.

Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles.

It is humor.

Love is being told, "Stop and I'll kill you".

It is desire.

Love is reviewing the damage to your living room and realizing personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door to the bedroom.

It is abandonment.

Love is seeing what your lover really looks like for the first time.

It is truth.

Love is knowing what time it is and not caring.

It is joy.

Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace.

It is ecstasy.

Love is telling a person, if you have to leave, you will let them sleep, and being told they would rather be awakened.

It is tenderness.

Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were having asleep on your shoulder.

It is where fantasy meets reality.

Love is being there to wake your lover........slowly.

It is sensuousness.

Love is belatedly knowing why you bought a king size bed three years ago.

It is practicality.

Love is two people only taking up a third of a king size bed.

It is closeness.

Love is knowing you gave the extra set of keys to the right person.

It is trust.

Love is saying goodbye and knowing you will be back by mutual consent.

It is faith.

Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of the word "sore".

It is a lesson in human fragility.

Love is opening your medicine cabinet and finding your toothpaste turned into a pretzel.

It is adaptation.

Love is sitting at the window, looking out, and remembering who you were with the night before.

It is reflection.

Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm, and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover.

It is loneliness.

Love is stories that will never be told.

It is personal.

My Heart...

A new beginning, refreshing.
Something I have needed for a very long time.
It's strange to be doing something just for me.
I was lost at first. New to the entire ordeal.
Afraid a mistake had been made.
How could something be right if I was hurting others?
Why should I be happy if they are not?
Then I looked in the mirror and saw a shine in my eyes.
A shine that had been absent for a long time.
I looked into his eyes and saw happiness as well.
I now know this is right.
He found me when I was lost.
He is leading me on the path to my happiness.
A path to something I had forgotten.
He is showing me my heart again.