Torture

I yell and scream commanding the torture to end. Yet nothing changes, everything revolves around him. My heart, mind, body, and soul. I wish for my heart to calm when he's around but still it gets faster and faster. I ignore the wanting of my arms to wrap around him. I keep my hands in my pockets so I don't reach out to grab his hand. I hum in my head to keep the many thoughts of him at bay. I keep my eyes away from his knowing if he wanted to he could see my soul. I keep my mouth shut as often as I can so the once spoken words don't resurface. I make sure I don't stand to close to him for I'm positive I would try to close the distance with a kiss. At night I will the tears away, but still they flow. I wake up at night from the dreams that haunt me. Nothing I do can seperate this bond, it makes me who I am. I can't imagine a day this pain will be gone. I've come to expect it so it has become a companion. I will always love him and go through this hell so I can be near him. I will always do anything for him.

Because of you

Another tear falls                                               

Its nothing new

Lately Im always crying

I cant sleep

Another night I lie awake

I hardly sleep lately

Our song comes on

I quickly change it

Only pain comes when I hear it

I lay down in my bed

A million memories rush at me

All of you

Tears just flow down my face

I let them come

It feels better to let them out

I see you and simply smile

A knot forms in my stomach

Ill feel the price of it later

All this because of you

You dont even know

You wouldnt care either

Realize

I tried to give you everything

But still it wasn't enough

It never can be

I should've known

You only care for yourself

How could I be so foolish

One day your gonna realize,

the life you could've had with me

Too bad its gonna be too late,

when you do finaly see

Good luck trying to find someone as good as me

I would've done anything for you

But you lost it

Im so done I can't believe it

Why did I make this mistake

I should've learned from the past

I didn't before but I did now

Goodbye

My Remorse

 Im sorry I make everything complicated

Im sorry I've made you mad

Im sorry for all the times I changed my mind, for always being so emotional and for never saying the right thing

Im sorry I cant be perfect and I have so many problems

Im sorry I never told you everything and did always tell you the truth

Im sorry for not fighting for you, and for saying Im sorry so many times

Im sorry I wasted yourtime with my petty thoughts and opinions

Im sorry we arent as close as before because i messed it all up

Out of all the things Im sorry for theres one thing Im not...

Im not sorry I met and you were my first love. You were the best thing I ever had.

 Im sorry I lost you

I hate

I hate myself for being so dumb

I hate this control over me you hold

I dont get why you do this

Always changing your mind

Im done changing mine

I hate you for doing this to me

I hate that I ever loved you

I hate that I have to say goodbye

I hate losing you

Its what you want so its done

I cant fix it this time

Never again will you have me

I hate that you did before

Most of all I hate that I will never stop loving you.

I remember

 Going through all the memories
I suddenly remember what you mean to me
I miss you so much
i wish I could feel your gentle touch
I think of that last kiss
Your friendship is something I miss
You could always make me smile
I havnt smiled like that for awhile
My love for you was so strong
I have loved you for so long
You made me forget him
Since youve left all my days are dim
There something I need to say
I still love you to this day

Choose

I lie here my mind running wild

I stay awake with sorrow sighs

As the hundreth tear falls upon my cheek

Ive come to a fork in the road

I havnt the faintest idea what to do

Should I chose my love

Take the risk of heartache

Feel the wonders of first love

Be held in his gentle arms

Kiss his soft lips at any hour

Should I walk away

Forget the love inside my heart

Go where my parents wish

Should I give up the fight

Just leave it all behind

Oh the confusion of it all

In honest truth hes all I want

Memories of past conversations run through my head

I think of all the things he likes

How much we go together

This love could be my doom

I have to chose like a thousand girls before me

I will choose what is right for me

I have a duty to my heart

Love is truely bittersweet

Goodbye

 Weve come so far
Look at where we are
Whether you stay or leave
Ill have your memory
I said I love you
Aonce you said it to
Thats all I needed
Forever youll be in my heart
When were together or apart

You made me cry
I believed a lie
But I will be strong
Smile when it all goes wrong
Ill be okay
When you wonder why Ill say

Because I felt love for the first time
It took me on a wild ride
We had our ups and downs
It was fun when we were clownin around
You gave me some memories
Youll always be apart of me

Now Im saying goodbye
But Ill love you til the day I die
This is something I have to do
I gotta learn to get over you
Its gonna be hard
Even though you broke my heart
Ill always remember what you meant to me
Ill smile because when together I was happy

Because I felt love for the first time
It took me on a wild ride
We had our ups and downs
It was fun when we were clownin around
You gave me some memories
Youll always be apart of me

Ill love you till the day I die
But now I have to say goodbye

Are you finally over me?

Is there something that I dont see

It seems like your avoiding me

A week ago you were distant

I thought there was something I was missing

Then suddenly you came on strong

You acted like there was nothing wrong

You tell me you still love me

I finally started to believe

Now it seems your always busy

For some reason you cant talk to me

You always say you'll call back soon

I wait for hours but you never do

I know we arent together technically

Did you finally get over me

I jus wish you would let me know

So I can try to let you go

Its killing me

Lying awake every night wondering

Are you finally over me?

I know weve had our ups and downs

And I know soon Ill be leaving town

I never believed youd really wait for me

Im not worth it I knew youd finally see

Im gunna be so far away

Ill be just a memory some day

I have awhile before I leave

Until then you cant be there for me

I know we arent together technically

Did you finally get over me

I jus wish youd let me know

So I can try to let you go

Its killing me

Lying awake every night wondering

Did you finally get over me

I just cant sleep crying

Why do I feel like Im dieing

I knew this would happen eventually

I guess Im just not ready

I need to hear your voice

Find out if youve made the choice

No matter what you choose

Ill always love you

Tell me so I can breathe

Are you finally over me....

Confused

Another tear falls upon my cheek
I feel so guilty how could I falter?
I thought Id lose him today
I almost made myself walk away
For awhile I forgot
Everyone was getting to me
I started to listen to their voices and not my own
My heart and mind were fighting
About what I felt and what I thought
My mind started to win
My heart gave one last attempt and screamed
"You love him and he loves you"
Suddenly it hit me
My mind began to spin
Remembering every love filled word he has said
I started  to listen to my heart
How I could ever doubt it is beyond me
Him and I are meant to be
Nothing can come between us
I will always love him and believe him
Hes my everything

I don't know what to do

I want to scream in confusion

The bloods rushing through my veins

Another tear falls upon my cheek

My worlds falling apart

Im lost I dont know where to turn

Rumors, lies, advise all making my head spin

I just want to be alone

I wish I knew the truth to it all

Everyone is decieving me

The one person I felt closest to

Is the reason for all my pain

I thought I finally had it right

Was I wrong?

Is what people say true?

I'm trying so hard to believe him

I want to believe him more than anything.

I don't know what to do.

Everything

I saw your smile today

Felt your gentle touch

It made me happy

To talk to you again

Now I feel empty

Im wishing you were here

So I could kiss you

But I cant

I want to be with you

Your my everything

I still love you 

Ill never be yours again

Weve lost everything

Yes I still love you

But it was never enough

Without you

Boy this song is to you

Cause I really dont want to be without you

You may not understand

So just listen to me now

When your not by my side

I feel incomplete

When your not in my arms

I feel as though Im hissing half of me

If its not you Im listening to I dont really hear

I hate to be without you

I was tired of the same old same old

I didnt want anymore pain

Ive been through heartache and heart break

I tried something new

I went with you

Your not the usual

Like no one I've met before

Its kind of like starting new

I get akward and shy when I'm around you

That all because

When your not by my side

I feel so incomplete

When your not in my arms

I feel as though I'm missing half of me

If its not you I'm listening to I don't really hear

I hate to be without you

For once I'm going slow

Looking around seeing where to go

I don't want to lose you

I hope you feel the same way to

Because I hate every second every

Breath that goes by without oh

Without you

Alone

People all around,
All the loud noise goes through my head.
Sometimes I feel alone.
Can't always explain why I have these feelings.
It's almost like I don't belong,
Like I don't fit in.
I know being unique is supposed to be a good thing but how when it makes me feel this way?
Alone.
No one really understands why I go through this.
Who do you talk to when you feel this way?